on being strong

I'm not quite sure how I want to start this post.

Lately I've been feeling pushed aside by my friends. Ignored, even neglected. People have changed and I've lost sight of what's really important and, in a sense, who I am. Teenagers these days act so different around different people that I really don't know who anyone is anymore. It's rubbing off on me in a negative way, and while my friends still make me laugh everyday, there are those times where they've made me feel...invisible.

I was feeling particularly sorry for myself on Thursday. Some stuff happened throughout the day that put a gray cloud inside my head. So I decided to go for a run to clear my head.
Now, when I say clear my head, I literally mean clear my head. When I run, absolutely nothing is going on inside my head. The only thing I'm aware of is my pounding feet and my heavy breathing.

I ran pretty steadily for a good mile and a half, but then my legs started to get heavy, and I came to that point in the run where you literally feel like death is upon you. So I walked for a bit. And a bit more. And I was thinking I was just going to walk the half-mile back home, but then my song came on. I don't know what it is about this certain song, it just motivates me more than any other tune can.
However, I was still walking. When I walk, I can think. And I was just thinking about the day, and wishing God would send me some sort of sign to help me out with this situation.

It was instantaneous. At that moment, I looked up (I had been looking at the ground) and there was a homemade sign stapled to a telephone pole. It had a giant orange smiley face on it, and above that it read: "Take what you need to be for the day!"
Underneath the smiley face the paper was sliced into individual strips, and each strip had a word on it. All but three were gone, but the one that stuck out to me the most was "Strong". So I took it. And I swear the next moment was like a movie.
I knew that little piece of paper was a sign from above, and suddenly, my legs no longer felt heavy, the cloud inside my head disappeared, and I started to run just as the chorus of the song came on. How perfect is that? The whole thing was so cheesy that I couldn't help cracking a smile as I ran up the hill.
But I felt so blessed, and I was really blown away at what had just happened. All I could do was thank God for watching over me.

"I sought the Lord and He heard me; and He delivered me from all my troubles."

>>>Psalm 33:5

xo,
hannah

"...something to hope for."

I was with my dad in the car the other day, and we were talking about some old story from my childhood. When we were finished laughing and remembering, he said, "You were such a happy kid, Hannah." I didn't take this as "Geez, you used to be so happy, what happened??" I took it as "Your childhood years were so full of joy and so many priceless, jubilant memories are the result of them." 

I really was happy. Looking back, I remember myself as a carefree, curly-haired kid full of laughter and creativity.

I still am happy. I'll admit it, I'm not satisfied, but I'm happy. I just feel like there is so much I could be doing with my life, so many different paths to choose from, and certain things are holding me back. It's unsettling, knowing I could be living my life to the fullest when, at the moment, I'm living it...ordinarily. I never thought I'd be afraid of such a thing as living an ordinary life, but I am. I never even thought about it until this year, when I'm discovering limits I didn't know existed.

So I have a lot on my mind, a few big decisions to make, and positive attitude to maintain through it all. I just have to hope and pray that everything falls into place. And so I'll leave you with a new favorite quote:

"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."  -Joseph Addison 

a new year's resolution

My first post of the new year on January 9th? Well..... I wish you all a belated Happy New Year!

I'm going to let you in on a secret: I've always been terrible at setting new-year resolutions. I mean really awful. I can never think of anything that I want to do or pick something that I have the will power to stick with.
However, I've made up my mind about something to do this year. I chose something that I've been missing, something that I haven't done in a while and miss very much.

Art. Creating. Ever since I started going to school, I've gotten less and less time to draw, paint, and craft. I think this is kind of ironic, considering I go to an art school... But I digress. I miss it. So so much.
Art was my favorite form of relaxation, it was something I could rely on to take me away from reality for an hour or two. A way for me to just let stress melt out of my mind for a while.
So I've decided to start drawing more, despite my insane schedule. Once a week. I will be happy if once a week I just sit down with a pencil and a sketch pad and do whatever I want. I may even post some photos of my creations :)

Do you have a new-years resolution?
xo,
hannah

how I wish I was a redhead

We all have those crazy moments where we think, "why can't I be blonde?" or "why can't I be a brunette?" Raise your hand if you've wanted to be a natural born redhead..... yep. We've all wanted it at one point in our lives. Here's some redhead loves from me to you ;)

Source: tumblr.com via Emma on Pinterest

Source: media-cache2.pinterest.com via Kalyn on Pinterest

Source: abeautifulmess.typepad.com via Mojo on Pinterest

Source: bing.com via Julie on Pinterest

Source: Uploaded by user via Lilia on Pinterest

And that last picture? Please, before you do anything else today, watch this video. If you haven't heard this song or seen this video, you obviously don't know what amazing is. Uh.Maz.Ing. The end.

Have you had hair wishes lately?
-hannah

what I've learned

first game of ultimate of the year 4/2/12

Summer is approaching. I can practically taste the warm air floating just out of reach that positively reeks of freedom. I've been thinking a lot these past nine months, thinking about where I would be if I hadn't gone to school. And thinking about what I've learned while at school. So here's a quick summary of what going to public school has taught me:

1. School buses are not long enough
Throughout the year, I've skipped around where I sit on the bus. Sometimes the third seat, sometimes the fifth, rarely the seventh. I'll get pretty attached to a seat and the BAM! I climb aboard and it's been taken. And somehow, every time I have to transfer seats I get placed closer and closer to someone who's a tad louder than the last person I sat next to. Go figure.

2. Sleeping is not hard
For the first few weeks of school, I was appalled at the thought of sleeping in public. But one day, something happened that changed my school life forever:
I dozed off.
Yep, that's right. I forget why I was extra tired that day, and I forget how long I slept, but who cares? I slept. And from that day on, I conked out every morning, and most afternoons.

3. Music is a quick fix to 99.99% of the world's problems (or, my problems)
It's true. Many times this year I've been about to scream, cry, or punch someone something and that's when I get the genius idea to plug in my earphones, crank up the volume, and lose myself in the music. The artists that have been on repeat since the beginning of the year? Kenny Chesney, Blackhawk*, Keith Whitley*, and Taylor Swift.

*If you have not been raised listening to these artists, you probably would not like/appreciate them like I do. This was the music my dad would rock me to sleep with as a baby, and that I danced around the living room to as a toddler.

4. Not all school lunches are bad
I've had friends come over after school some days and claim they had cardboard for lunch. Not true for my school. Their pizzas are the highlight of my day ;)

5.  99.99% of girls who go to school are insecure
Why is it that every girl who attends school has a reputation of being a jerk before you even meet her?Well, it's because they're insecure and want to draw everything away from their insecurities and have people focus on their words, which most of the time are the ugliest thing about them. Going to school has let me see how really self-conscious girls are. Even the nicest, prettiest, most popular girls in your class can have their insecurities–everyone does.
Since I wasn't raised in an environment to be concerned of what people thought of me, I went to school that way. And I'm sure I've changed a bit, but never once have I found myself complaining to myself or anyone else about something I seriously didn't like about myself. Sure, I've said "Geez I'm havin a bad hair day," and stuff like that, but nothing serious. And to be honest, I pride myself in that. I'm happy that I don't have any self-doubts and I just hope it rubbed off on other people.

6. It takes guts to stand up for someone
Several times over the past nine months I've stood up for different people in my class, most of time it was an autistic kid who didn't know that certain people were just not his friends. I've been lucky enough not to have been a target for bullying, and when I see bullying going on a flame ignites in me. Usually I just told the bully to knock it off, but sometimes when it got extreme I went to on of the administrators. Protecting someone is different from tattling, and I just wish more people knew it.

So that's what I've learned this year non-acedemic-wise. What have you learned?

-hannah
p.s. It's Mark's birthday today, and I'm sure he would love it if you stopped by his blog and said hello, or maybe even followed ;)

treasure

The world today is so warped... so twisted.

It will squeeze you into being someone you're not. Bury you alive in fake smiles and even faker people.

You have to dig to find yourself.

And when you reach the treasure, you will find...

your feelings. your thoughts. your mind. your emotions. your looks. your attitude. your personality. your dreams. your imagination. your will. your duty. your world.

Don't let your treasure get buried.
Don't hide yourself thinking you're not good enough. Be your own person, not the person everyone else wants you to be.
Are you true to yourself? Do you have your treasure?

-hannah

Dear Mr Pumpkin,

Oh, how gorgeous you looked from the outside. I thought you were perfect, yet when I saw your insides.......

:)

Pumpkins are sort of like people, aren't they? They can be beautiful on the outside but you'll never know just how much junk is on the inside.